Matt one day was tired of all the junk mail, but he never received any other kind of mail. He knew everyone else was sick and tired of the junk mail. Even the mail carrier was fed up, especially because advertising inserts that once upon a time were found in newspapers are now found in our mail boxes. When he can, the mail carrier on one route finds a nice shelf to plop down the inserts instead of shoving then into the slots, but he's gotta get rid of them, ya know? They leave his hands a shiny gray at the end of the day! Matt, who was not a mail carrier, one day so fed up, decided to have his name legally changed to Current Resident.
The judge laughed and shook his head saying "All right son, but you be careful because you will be inundated with massive amounts of mail. It suddenly occurred to Current Resident (formerly Matt) that he was doing a huge favor to everyone else by informing the postal services of the new proper mailing address of Current Resident. He suddenly found himself with tens of thousands of credit card applications and millions upon millions of dollars in credit. The coupons and crazy deals piled to the ceiling.
Current Resident saved so much money he built a warehouse and began to stack the tens of thousands of coupon purchased bottles of detergent until it got so bad he had to invest in huge tanks for the liquids.
Meanwhile poor old Mrs Eddleson down the street wasn't getting any mail at all anymore. Not even a coupon. She thought something happened to the mail carrier. For a long time she thought he was sick. Then she saw him walk by across the street. She was furious but couldn't bring herself to get out of her chair and shuffle to the door. He was gone in a flash. Nothing for poor old Mrs. Eddleson again today. Her withered trembling hands had enough strength and determination to reach for the old plastic grocery bag. Cracker crumbs fell out over her collar and some landed in here hair as she strained to pull the bag over her own head.
The mail wouldn't pile up on her porch. There would be no indication throughout the remaining days of summer and fall that anything was wrong because her bills were paid automatically and her Social Security check was direct deposited. Occasionally a rare breeze would waft the stench across the neighboring yards but nobody could find the source. Her neighbors got together and decided to take care of her lawn for her shortly after she had her stroke a few years back. Nobody really saw her. After a while they thought she was moved to a home somewhere.
