Mutant Apocalypse Nightmare

After a series of stupid mistakes that served to remind me why I can't have nice things or a nice job, I had a horrible and long nightmare. The culmination of my mishaps lead to an ultimate failure.

The team of scientists were anxiously awaiting my entrance to the facility with the launch codes and the formula to release a vaccine around the world to prevent something, God knows what. I get out of the truck and the package I'm holding slips out of my hands and bounces on the hard ground a couple of times. Everyone screams and I swear out-loud "Dammit! That's why I can't have nice things!"

I jolt myself awake for moment, The feeling is still there. I fade back to sleep and into a nightmare. I'm now in a huge facility, almost as big as a shopping mall, but there's broken glass, bullet holes, and piles of charred furniture against most of the doorways.

There are some people with me arguing about which way to run or how to fight back. Fight back against a horde of people who mutated into dog-sized hungry land-piranhas. The weird thing is they were still sentient. They tried to cajole me into letting them have my legs. One was almost persuasive, but he was just too gross looking.

I finally ran out of places to hide.


Road Rage Nightmare

I finally had one of those dreams where you wake up from a dream within a dream. I never thought it possible until last night.

I dreamed I was driving on the road behind some jerk who was swerving and braking in front of me, just to try and make me crash into him, when I just thought 'to Hell with this jerk' and just put my foot on the gas, slammed into his rear end, and drove him off the road. He flipped and then my car rolled over and over. in a cloud of dust.

I woke up. At first I thought with great relief it was just a dream, but I gradually realized I was in a strange hotel room and not at my real home. I got up and looked out the window and my car was not there.

The feeling of dread instantly washed over me. "Oh my God! This is not a dream! It's not a dream!" This was the feeling you get the moment after the moment you have a car accident, where at first you deny it's real and almost convince yourself it's just a dream, but the next moment is the dread you feel knowing there is no escape from the situation.

The hotel room had cheap wood paneling and tan trim loosely nailed around the windows. The details of the scene sharpened as if I was really coming awake. Then I woke up in my real bed but I wasn't sure.

Night Panic

Chronic Anxiety is hard to deal with, especially if you can't afford health care. I was diagnosed back in 1999 when I had company insurance. I haven't had a Doctor since I was laid off in 2001. While I could afford the prescription for Busbar I was able to recognize that what I was feeling was internal, and had nothing to do with anyone or anything else. This is when I learned that I owned my feelings, all of them.

Occasionally when I get acclimated to a different work or living environment I tend to forget that I choose how I feel in every situation. Then in the dead of night when I wake up in a state of near panic, I get out my earbuds and listen to through my phone. Specifically, Blues Before Sunrise. You can find the play list at

The key is that it's not the music I grew up with. It's from long before I was alive. Listing to familiar music just makes me emotional, nostalgic and regretful, reminding me of the old days when I thought people made me feel bad and I reacted badly.

If nothing else works, try the steps at